I don’t really agree with anything that the United States has done in the past 8 years, starting with the war. I don’t see any good changes coming anytime soon or anything good about to happen. The reason I say this is because locally I know that the economy right now is horrible and that no one is making money, and instead of the government trying to help, they’d rather try to aid Arabs with bombs strapped to their mothers. I believe there are much more important things we could be doing to also help our economy and us as a country than wasting our time over there and getting out men and family members killed.
We’ve been over at Iraq since I was in the 5Th grade, so 8 years. This happened 8 years ago when I was just a little boy, now that I’m a senior in high school and I’ve stepped into the manly part of the world, its amazing to see how much this has really affected everything. In that time we have no accomplished anything other than waste our time looking to help people who in my eyes, aren’t trying to receive any help or change in their surrounding areas. We are looking for someone who we’re not even entirely sure is even still alive and it may not be the right thing to do, but I highly think we should have just taken them out completely and then we wouldn’t have to worry about any terrorist attacks or nuclear weapons of mass destruction. I know that most people wouldn’t agree with my ideas about solving the war, but there’s not really any other choice.
I don’t really see anything good coming anytime soon for the US mainly because I think the president’s that are running are “doo doo”. I didn’t even vote this year because I don’t really care for anything that any of them say they “want to do”. The way I see it is I know down south there’s a lot of racism and even around here I see and hear plenty of it and even though I personally think Obama is a good guy even though I don’t care for any of his ideas for the future, I believe he would be assassinated in a heart beat. Also as for Hillary, if she is still running, I don’t really think she’s a wise choice either. The way I see it is we have a woman whose trying to win the hearts of America’s people by saying it will be okay to have a certain amount of pot on them. Again, I don’t really agree with that, and there are more important things to worry about then how much pot someone is carrying on them.
These were my opinions on some of today’s world’s economy, worldwide and other situations that I think need to be overlooked.
5 comments:
1. i liked how you express what you feel about the world.
2. the part i liked about the story is how you mention one fact about obama and Hillary what you didnt feel supported of.
3. you should come up with a catchy title just nothing bad
I thought i was interesting on how you viewed the issues of the world. the story kept my attention pretty well. What about McCain you didn't even mention him or that while you don't care for Hillary or Obama They both differently murk him.
I- I felt like this essay was good but it wasn't a topic i would expect you to choose. the concept thats in my head is the whole reason as to why we are at war. I learned that you really do care about the reasons our country dose what we do and as to why we do it.
II- The college essay title was not the most captavating title i've ever read. You could change it so something very specific and dramatic that relates directly to your essay. The lead did grab my attention because I didn't expect you to write about that at all. I liked the ending but you could maybe add a little more to it. Its a little short right now.
III- My favorite part of the story is "This happened 8 years ago when I was just a little boy, now that I’m a senior in high school and I’ve stepped into the manly part of the world, its amazing to see how much this has really affected everything." Im really liked how you made a transaction. You could maybe tell the reader what you thought of the war back then and how little you really understood it. Then switch into how you understand it now & why you don't like it.
IV- One thing i found about the essay that was problematic was all the so's and the "this is the way I see it." Try to edit them out and your essay will sound much stronger.
V- Try rereading your essay and you'll be able to pick up on the parts where it sounds weak. My getting rid or the so's and such I think it will improve it dramaticly. Also put some more into your ending sentences. Take our the "these were my opinions on todays..." and put into something stronger. Like stating what your opinions are shortly.
I- this essay was good but it wasn't a topic i would expect you to choose. I learned that you really do care about the reasons our country dose what we do and as to why we do it.
II- The college essay title was not the most captavating title i've ever read. You could change it so something very specific and dramatic that relates directly to your essay. The lead did grab my attention because I didn't expect you to write about that at all..
Nice response Lexy. Nick, you just plagiarized Lexy. Don't be an idea pirate. Come up with your own thoughts. Mykel, you should delete Nick's comment.
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